Goodbye Sony

By: Monday, July 17th, 2006 06:33 pm GMT -5 2,656 views No Comment

*ring*

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Sony!”

“Oh, um…Hi! How are you?”

“Oh good, good. You get your Blue Ray DVD player yet?”

“Well, I was thinking about it. Then I saw that another one of your formats was just shitcanned.”

“Oh, that wasn’t shitcanned. Unless by ‘shitcanned’ you mean ‘made way more awesome and groundbreaking by the world’s technology pioneer’”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, now we sell movies on the Memory Stick Entertainment Packs. It’s never been done before, we broke new ground…again, lol”

“Um, isn’t that one step away from people converting videos to MPEG and uploading manually to the PSP, the way everyone already does it?”

“No, it’s totally different and awesome. Would you like to buy S.W.A.T. or XXX: State of the Union on MSEP?”

“Maybe later. I guess I saw this coming, this whole conversation sounds familiar… you did the same thing with MiniDisc in the 90s.”

“No, MiniDisc was totally awesome. Americans weren’t ready for that kind of technology…”

“Yeah, are you sure it doesn’t have anything to do with cost? I mean, it got to the point where you could buy a CD and a blank MD cheaper then the MD of that album. Was that part of your business model?”

“We don’t condone the unauthorized duplication of copyprotected media.”

“Oh, trust me, we all know how you feel about that. How are those lawsuits going anyway? Nothing like some privacy invasion to stir up good PR”

“That wasn’t our fault! It was all First 4 Internet! Plus, most people, I think, don’t even know what a rootkit is, so why should they care about it?”

“Ok. I’ll assume that’s not a fictitious company. I don’t really understand what herpes are, but I know damn well I don’t want them. Remind me again when you last revolutionized technology? Ah yes! The Walkman. Wow, that turns 30 soon doesn’t it?”

“The Playstation 3 is set to take the world by storm in ways the walkmen could never dream of!”

“Oh? Looks like you better be right if you want to keep dinner on your plate.”

“It’s going to change the way we use electronics at home.”

“You seem pretty confident, are you going to start advertising soon?”

“Yes! Not only is Sony the world’s leading technology innovator, we work with some of the most cutting edge agencies in the world to produce revolutionary advertisments!”

“Revolutionary? Are you sure you don’t mean creepy, confusingly offensive, vaguely illegal, and racist?”

“Proof again! The world is not ready for Sony! We stand beyond the forefront of early adoption and remain a beacon for the next decade that will bring about…”

“Hey, Sony, I have another call. It’s LG, we’re going to meet Samsung for some sushi, Maybe I’ll see you around.”

“Oh, what sushi place are you going to? Maybe I could…”

“Actually, it’s this whole thing where we’re going to buy iPods after, I didn’t really plan it, I’d feel weird just inviting, hey, listen, we’ll talk later OK?”

*click*

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