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January, 2007 Archive

 

I’m a Real Blog!

I wrote that title thinking it would be said with a Pinocchio accent so go back and read it as such.

So, big news. AllMyLiesAreWishes is now powered by WordPress. This is sexy, exciting and of crucial cultural importance for a few reasons.

  • Comments - A blog is, by definition, a site that is regularly updated and allows users to contribute to the discussions. Until now, AMLAW was only the former (and barely that). Now everyone can have a voice.
  • RSS - I can finally subscribe to my own blog, something I’ve dreamed of since I started here. What can I say, I have my own number in my phone too-Ive got a big ego.
  • WordPress Admin - In college I always argued that true developers shouldn’t use pre-built systems since they can (presumably) build their own. I realize now how naive that is. Sure, I could, I could also make my own pizza and change my own oil. Could is no longer the deciding factor in today’s world. If I’m as dedicated to efficiency as I claim to be, this is the answer.
  • Categories - Other than efficiency, I’m obsessed with information architecture. I used to spend hours in college naming my mp3s and collecting album art. My friends laughed, but who do they always come to for albums they know to be named correctly? That’s right. Now I can turn my obsessive organizing fetish toward the site.

The real important thing is that without having to worry about HTML and mySQL, I can write better, more lucidly, and clearer. I’ll also write more often and revise my work with the drafts feature. All in all, nothing lost, so much gained.

There’s still some work to be done. I have to fix the calendar in the footer to associate with the new WordPress DB hierarchy. I have to build a few more template pages and add some more of the site’s features to the admin. That’ll come in time, all faster than before since AMLAW is now a real boy blog.

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Ramble O’s: Blog Serial v1 e2

As we near the end of January, it’s time to exam 2007 so far. Is it just me, or is the concept of New Years Resolutions discussed much more than actual resolutions are made? Every newspaper, blog, news broadcast, comic strip, themed strip club, and billboard is brimming with Resolutions - what they are, if you’ll keep them, how to keep them. Now, I haven’t sat down and made a list of resolutions in like 24 years. Am I the only one not doing this? Or—like the Yetti, a free lunch, or available girls with self confidence—are New Years Resolutions a figment of our collective imagination? It would make sense. There’s a certain post modern romance to the idea of creating a physical list every year of all the reasons you’re unhappy. That’s advertising gold dudes!

Remember that feeling you had when you first started driving a car? Or first went on a date to a fancy dinner? Or first started going out to bars? It was the feeling of awkwardness mixed with excitement. You always knew these things existed, and that people did them everyday, but they are still uniquely foreign to you. I still get that feeling every time I go to the Post Office. There’s some set of rules there, steps in a ballet I’m not privy to. I always kind of stand dumbly, wondering the same things: Do I get in line? Where are the envelopes I need? Should I just buy stamps at the machine? What’s the difference between all these boxes? Why are all the women who work here built like linebackers? I always feel like the only one who’s confused though. Everyone else waits in line, stone faced, like they do this everyday. Good thing that despite their butch appearance the employees are always as kind and lovable as your grandmother. Then you remember coming to the Post Office with your grandmother years ago, and even though you’ve fallen comfortably into the rhythms of adult life, being here feels as foreign now as it did then.

A fun game is to look around your office or wherever you may work, and notice all the people wearing new clothes they got for Christmas. It’s starling how, seeing people everyday, you get to know their wardrobe enough that you can spot the new additions. It’s not as easy now that they’ve been living in the clothes for a few weeks, but you can still tell. That new dress shirt (usually still sporting the creases in the back from the package) or the new skirt suit makes that person hold their head a little higher. We all do the same thing—walk taller with our fancy new threads. These clothes will eventually transition into normal rotation, shifting from novelty to familiar comfort, but for these first few weeks we’re all a little bit fancier and new.

Steven Colbert is flaccid with rage.

Do the multiple meanings of this word confuse and frighten anyone else as much as it does me? Look at #1 and #4. I’d be cautious to use this too frequently. I think there’s a hilarious adult cartoon character in their somewhere just waiting to be discovered.

sem·i·nal [sem-uh-nl] – adjective
1. pertaining to, containing, or consisting of semen.
2. Botany. of or pertaining to seed.
3. having possibilities of future development.
4. highly original and influencing the development of future events: a seminal artist; seminal ideas.

Although I have no actual frame of reference, I imagine this to be hauntingly accurate.

This is why Al-Qaeda hates us.

Ah, to be young and have the innocence still to dream…

I predict the next hipster trend will be to carry a baguette around a party, tucked under one’s arm. First, it was the 30 pack. Then, the ironic box of wine. Now that the Atkins fad has all but died out, bread is chic again. What better way to avoid a hellish hangover than to stock up on simple carbs that’ll absorb all that alcohol so you can buckle your white leather belt and lace up your Converse sneaks before you hit Magnolia’s for some afternoon cupcakes the next day. Plus, it’s vaguely French which seems to be the attitude all the filmmakers I know are striving for anyway. Mark my words: the baguette is coming.

One must not ask ‘Why?’ but, rather ‘Why not?’

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Ramble O’s: Blog Serial v1 e1

First resolution for the new year: write more. Second: use more images to enhance writing. Third: write more serial posts (you’ll see…muah-ha-ha).

If you’re a friend of mine—and let’s be honest you are the only people who read this bitch—you know I like to send a barrage of links on a daily basis. No more! Well, maybe if they’re topical to one or two of you and not of a general interest to The Capital G (my new slogan for my group of friends). Instead, I’ll reference them in a single post and send that link out. Efficient right? And archivally—twofer!

After 11 days of not reading any of my blogs, my RSS reader was off the hook. Check it:

bloglines_header.jpg

Dang yo, that’s a lot of blogs to read. Additionally, check out what all those unread blogs look like, a window into where I get those dozens of links I send to everyone everyday.

***

So far, I’ve only read my comics since I’ve been trying to do actual work on my first day back. Dinosaur Comics literally would make me cry laughing back when I first discovered it. It had gotten stale for a while but a bunch of the recent ones were re-god-damn-diculosly funny. The best part for true fans is to check out the source code for the wacky titles and subs for each comic. There is the RSS feed title and the custom subject line of an email you write to the artist that changes with each comic. It’s worth it. Trust me. Where else would you get gems such as:

“if i ever write erotica, that warning is definitely how all my stories are ending, complete with the portrait of t-rex. just a ‘heads up’”
“WARNING: IF YOU ARE A DUDE AT WORK THEN THEY CAN FIRE YOU NOW FOR HAVING TOO MANY BONERS”
“ryan please start a new comic called ‘Mark-Paul Gosselaar is Bored and Experimenting’ i would read that SO HARD”
“all of dinosaur comics has been building to t-rex saying ‘forget you, zach morris!’ in panel two. FACT”

After that I was treated to a late Christmas present in the form of 12 days of Daily Monsters. Holy crap this site is awesome. I don’t even read the stories people write because I know I’d waste a ton of time I don’t have trying to write my own. It’s such a simple concept and the monsters always come out jaunty or precocious or just plain awesome.

Speaking of Awesome, check out the menu for the new seafood restaurant in Rochester. Now, don’t misread my opinion here, I’m in no way saying this restaurant is awesome. What I’m pointing out is the idiocy of any restaurant without crayons on the table using the word on their menu. WTF, mate. I’m getting tired of this pseudo-posh dining. Maybe because I had one of the best meals of my life at a restaurant called Snaps (or Oh Snaps! as I like to call it) on Long Island. I don’t know how they made that saffron vanilla sauce, but I won’t rest until I figure it out.

In closing, I’d like to point out that there is an empty beer bottle on my desk at work that I don’t remember drinking. Hmmm…

Also, this. Donald Faison’s eyes are funnier than most actor’s whole bodies.

Peace and love.

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