The things that really defy any categorization. Usually of the strange, or immature nature.
Devoted Customer Upset Jimmy Dean Downsized Sausage 16oz To 12oz But Charges Same Price.
This is the greatest thing I’ve heard in awhile. This poor Texan just wants to feed his plump wife and 600lbs of men in his home. How could you Jimmy Dean?
PS. Those Jimmy Dean “Chocolate Chip Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick” are the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen. Chocolate and ground meat never go together.Permalink
I remember I was hammering on a fence in the west pasture when Papa approached. He was carrying a letter or something in his hand, and he looked worried.I continued to hammer as he came toward me. “Son,” he said, “why are you hammering on that fence? It already has plenty of nails in it.”“Oh, I’m not using nails, Papa,” I replied. “I’m just hammering.” With that, I returned to my hammering.
Papa asked me to stop hammering, as he had some news.
I did stop hammering, but first I got a couple more hammers in, and this seemed to make Papa mad. “I said, stop hammering!” he yelled.
I think he felt bad for yelling at me, especially since it looked like he had bad news. “Look,” he said, “you can hammer later, but first –”
Well, I didn’t even wait to hear the rest. As soon as I heard “You can hammer,” that’s what I started doing.
Hammering away, happy as an old hammer dog.
Papa tried to physically stop me from hammering by inserting a small log of some sort between my hammer and the fence. But I just kept on hammering, ’cause that’s the way I am when I get that hammer going.
Then, he just grabbed my arm and made me stop.
“I’m afraid I have some news for you,” he said.
I swear, what I did next was not hammering. I was just letting the hammer swing lazily at arm’s length, and maybe it tapped the fence once or twice, but that’s all. That apparently didn’t make any difference whatsoever to Papa, because he just grabbed my hammer out of my hand and flung it across the field.
When I saw my hammer flying helplessly through the air like that, I just couldn’t take it. I burst out crying, I admit it. And I ran to the house, as fast as my legs could take me.
“Son, come back!” yelled Papa. “What about your hammer?!”
But I could not have cared less about hammering at that point. I ran into the house and flung myself onto my bed, pounding the bed with my fists. I pounded and pounded, until finally, behind me, I heard a voice.
“As long as you’re pounding, why not use this?” I turned, and it was Papa, holding a brand-new solid-gold hammer.
I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and ran to Papa’s outstretched arms. But suddenly, Papa jumped out of the way, and I went sailing through the second-story window behind him.
Whenever I hear about a kid getting in trouble with drugs, I like to tell him this story.
By Jack Handey
Many thanks to Matt Swain for showing this to me years ago and finding it online for me tonight.Permalink
Besides this collection of outdoor furniture’s beauty, I was taken by the odd art direction in these photographs which look like they were styled by Anna Faris’s boyfriend from Entourage, dawg. Models with animal heads lounge on the pieces in these dramatic photos. I wouldn’t say I’ve had a recurring nightmare, but it’s always been easy for me to picture a person with an animal’s head and it kind of freaks me out. When I was little I used to think I’d wake up one day and everyone in my family would have animal heads—rabbits, dogs, bears, etc. This is that day dream realized.
It’s true, I’ve jumped the shark. I’m making a ‘what’s my desktop background’ post. Oh well, I love the image I found and think that other people might too.
Yes, it is a great pumpkin (Charlie Brown) and it comes from the handsome genius behind Mandolux. I used to just click through the archives picture by picture but I found this page the other day that makes things much easier. This image is the left side of a diptych but I’ve just got the one big ‘ol Dell here so I make do. I love asymmetry anyway.
Go celebrate fall with your very own pumpkin background.
PS. The neologism in the title isn’t my high school nickname (I worked at a gas station, or did I?) but was an accidental typo that popped up as I was writing. I like it, so consider it coined. You read it here first.
PPS. I love autumn so much I made a big playlist in iTunes. If I’m motivated maybe I’ll post it later. It’s good.Permalink
Not pictured: your mom.
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