A sea gull just hit my head and took my sandwich. Everything is ruined.

NBC has released a three minute promo for The Office showing what the cast did over the summer. It’s pretty good to see everyone again, and there’s a few good jokes. Poor Karen, and Ryan has a five o’clock shadow! Check it out. Here’s looking forward to September 27th.

Most of my friends in college were film and photography majors. I am, therefore, intimately familiar with modern hipster culture. And I hate it. I won’t go into all my problems with it, that’s for another day. Chances are that you either feel the same way as I do, or you’re a hipster yourself. At least that’s what I thought.

Talking to people at work, it seems that there are those out there who, through some luck of circumstance, have never crossed paths with a hipster and aren’t familiar with the term. These people are often curious and want to know what this sub culture stands for, and how to spot its members. I usually get as far as “they’re all douchebags” before apoplexy takes over and I can no longer speak.  If you’re like me, then this video can come in handy. It’s an excellent primer on the ironic douchy-ness of hipsterism. Just send this link and save yourself from ranting.

James Poniewozik recently asked his readers what their favorite TV Credit sequences are. I’ve got ten. Check them out.

1. Six Feet Under

Including HBO/Showtime series might be cheating a bit since they have longer episode run times and can therefore afford to have longer credits. Even so, there is just no contest here. Nothing is even close. It’s wonderful having never seen an episode, and if you’re familiar with the tense, dark strokes the series paints you must agree that these visuals capture the feeling like a crazy dream that might just be a nightmare.

2. House

First off, I loved the song ‘Teardrop’ (Massive Attack) long before I ever saw this show.

We see Hugh Laurie for only a moment, then the illustration of a human head, brain revealed, as his name appears establishing him as the sharp minded protagonist of the show. Branching nerve tendrils represents Lisa Edelstein’s character, Dr. Cuddy, who serves as the emotional counterpart to Dr. House’s cold logic. Next there is a skeletal chest xray, representing the Foreman character played by Omar Epps, a proud, strong man with a solid foundation. Third is a brain, representative of Dr. Wilson played by Robert Sean Leonard. In contrast to Hugh Laurie’s image of half a brain, suggesting the single-minded nature of the character, here we see both halves, establishing Wilson as the moral counterpart for Dr. House. Breaking away from the medical illustrations, two ships in a river represent Jennifer Morrison’s character Dr. Cameron. There’s a loneliness to this image, something distant and unfulfilled. This is the perfect metaphor for her character, always trying to be a safe harbor for those in pain. Last we have Jesse Spencer’s Dr. Chase represented by a spine. This compares him with Dr. Foreman directly, and shows that while similar, he is much more delicate.

3. Dexter

This is a really well executed concept. The show, about a serial killer who kills other serial killers, starts off by showing beautifully shot closeups of the protagonist’s daily morning routine. Each is a thousand times sexier, more violent, and more evocative than we’d ever thought the rather mundane act could be. The flossing and boot lacing is something we do each day, but here seem reminiscent of a piano cord around someone’s neck. The meat is bit into with a predatory fervor that makes the viewer a little queasy. After this, you’ll know why it’s called a blood orange.

In the hands of a lesser studio, this might have been laughable. The studio that created this, Digital Kitchen, is also responsible for Six Feet Under, House, Rescue Me, and Nip/Tuck. Good pieces all. Plus they have a rabbit on their home page which makes them A-OK in my book.

4. Da Ali G Show

From 0:05-0:35

A nude Sacha Baron Cohen being dressed like he’s in some crazy futuristic spy movie, but instead of a tux it’s the signature yellow track suit. I particularly love the chainsaw noise as he adjusts his crotch.

5. Freaks and Geeks

I’m going to quote another commenter from Tuned In: “The Joan Jett song, the yearbook picture-taking gimmick, the gorgeousness of Linda Cardenelli at that time, the scruffy fake-smile of James Franco, the weird confidence of Samm Levine, and of course seeing Jason Segel at the edge of the screen rubbing his eyes with his palms to give himself more of a ’stoner’ look were all brilliant just like the rest of that amazing short-lived show.”

It’s also really great to see so many currently successful actors at such a young and tender age. We’ve got Linda Cardellini before she scrubbed up, John Francis Daley before he grew up, James Franco before he hunked up, Seth Rogen before he Knocked Up, and Jason Segel before he suited up. What an under appreciated show.

6. Lost

I love the blurriness, how it becomes sharp for only a second then goes back to blur. Great metaphor for the show - just when you think you have a clear picture, you’re Lost again (he he). I love the weird, uneven kerning of the letters, showing that everything herein is just a little off balance. Also, I like how sometimes the main actors names appear on screen alongside them, almost like extending the credit sequence into the episode.

7. Deadwood

I saw the horse representing Bullock coming into town to shake everything up. The shots of the whiskey pour and the gold dust are just beautiful as well.

8. Psych

It’s a fun, silly intro with a fun, silly theme song that fits perfectly with this fun, silly show.

9. How I Met Your Mother

With an original theme song by the creators, this photo montage captures the show’s soul perfectly, even if the new san-serif font is horrendous compared to the original use of Century.

10. John from Cincinnati

I’m not sure why, but these credits really do it for me. James, you were right.

This might be my favorite single performance from the entire Def Poetry series. There’s something really, really attractive about the sensitive, strong, beautiful woman. It’s that balance, a yin and yang of vulnerability and confidence, that builds intrigue, making her someone you want to be around.

When I first watched the show, YouTube wasn’t what it is today, so I spent a lot of time on the HBO forum tracking down transcripts of the poems. I had put out a plea for anyone that had a copy of “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” to email me. Wasn’t I surprised when I got the following message:

From: Mayda ****@hotmail.com
To: Justin Dickinson ****@gmail.com
Date: July 2, 2005 2:56pm
Subject: <no subject>

Hi this is Mayda del Valle. I saw your request on the HBO site and am
sending you a copy of the poem as requested. It’s attached as a word
Document so you just need to download it. Hope you enjoy it! And thanks so
much for the kind words and support.

Peace
Mayda

I was stoked. I never thought I’d hear from her directly. Very cool. I found her bio and realized she attended college in my hometown. Even cooler!

Here is the poem it its entirety:

to all the boys I’ve loved before
part 1:

we are not your mothers
and are not meant to be
it is not our responsibility to raise you into respectful beings
you have been weaned from the breast of a woman for years
yet you come to us
wounded and half filled with promises you can only keep half the time
trying to suckle our sense of self dry
we’ve become much to accustomed to sleepless nights and damp pillows
have become accustomed to waiting for our empty beds
to be weighed down with the bodies of men heavy with the scent
and the hands of other women
mornings with swollen puffy eyes are becoming routine
and we simply wanting to be loved
simply wanting to be able to love ourselves unconditionally
simply wanting to be held and feel safe
simply wanting the truth of whether you can really love us or not
play Hester Prynn
wear scarlet letters on our chests
become adulteresses
cheating ourselves out of what we truly deserve
willing to settle for less
willing to act like a little less than a goddesses
willing to sleep with the enemy
men too scared to stop acting like boys
thinking we can love away their scars
so we take the lashes of the insecurities they pour on us
and lick our wounds in quiet mourning for the little girls we lose by the minute
fast fading memories of playing hopscotch
and skippin’ rope
we now play freeze tag with each other’s hearts
play hide and seek with our love
if we just don’t breathe maybe we won’t get caught
up in the spider’s web we weave while waiting for what we give away to be returned

part 2:
you said you had a photographic memory
but apparently you forgot that honesty
begins by being real with yourself
and the ones you claim you love
should have never wasted my time
and just acted like the man you claimed and told the world you were
made a production of setting my folks at ease with tales of how you’d do all it ever took to never break my heart
I guess you thought you were talking to a roomful of the deaf and blind
figured they didn’t hear you
coz I never saw it coming
but the truth cannot be hidden
what’s clouded in darkness will always come to light my love
you shoulda known that
claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly
so I left
chasing paper trails of promises you’d already set on fire
left with nothing but the ashes of who you’d written that you were
and singed fingers from trying to grasp the impossible

and the only thing I’ve really lost
are lukewarm kisses
that for too long I kept trying to tune the beat of my heart, a few lies, and stories
about honesty and truth

I guess shit happens
I just wish it wasn’t me

and I guess
it’s so much better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all
I know that’s some easy shit to say

but I’m still gonna try to live by it
I’m still gonna try to put my faith to rest in it

I will sleep on dry pillows now in a bed big enough to love myself in
I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining
full of the knowledge I am priceless and worth nothing but honesty
I will remove the scarlet letter from my chest and hold the hand of the little girl I used to be
and say I’m sorry to her
I’m sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved
and I will wait
for a man
to come along
that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me

©2005 Mayda del Valle

Disclaimer: I’m not taking credit for this poem, rather, I’m trying to, in my own small way, add more visibility for the poets and spoken word artists I’ve seen that I feel are amazing talents worthy of worldwide fame and fortune. If, for whatever reason, this page makes it to the artist, first I’d like to say “awesome, what’s up? you rock!”. Then, if you would rather I didn’t have your work on my site, email me and I’ll gladly remove it.

If you like this check out all the Def Poetry posts.