Let’s be honest, we’ve all been known to do shit like this. Maybe not dressed like that, but we’ve all done it.

In case you don’t know this about me, I’m an avid fan of the Food Network. I have at least half a dozen shows on my Tivo Season Pass and I remember watching it for 6-8 hours whenever I’d stay home sick from school. I accredit half my cooking prowess to the absorption of ideas from that network. Even though as a geek I’m required to like Alton Brown more than any other food network star, today I want to talk about my #2 &emdash; Iron Chef Bobby Flay.He was one of the few personalities on the channel that seemed like he actually knew what he was doing. My first favorite show on Food Network was Boy Meets Grill. I loved the other show he had, the one with the female co-host that he’d harass the entire episode. I was ecstatic when he became an iron chef and I think Throwdown is a great concept even though I’ve missed most of the episodes.

I’ve worked in a few restaurants and known quite a few chefs and I can say with conviction: chefs are all assholes. That’s what makes Bobby Flay so believable, he’s just the right amount of arrogant prick. He’s the guy that you hated in college because he always got the girls. Just like that guy, he seems to have a very vocal group of haters.

Several sites on the net feature anti-Flay sentiments. Whatever. Much of the distaste seems to stem from an incident on the original Iron Chef where Bobby Flay jumped onto his cutting board in celebration. Let me elaborate on that incident.

A year or so later Flay was back on Iron Chef. The host asked him how he felt after offending Morimoto on his last visit considering the cutting board being sacred to the Japanese chef and if he planned on doing it again. Flay said “I don’t know”. At the end of this battle, he grabbed the cutting board, threw it toward the camera and crowd, and jumped up onto the bare counter to perform his now signature celebration. When interviewed after the stunt he said “..didn’t want to offen Morimoto, so we got rid of the cutting board.” Now that’s respect I can get behind.

I don’t know if it was right or wrong and it was definitely insensitive. Here’s what I say to all the people that were so offended: get over it. He’s a damn good chef and if he wants to jump on the counter, let him. It’s not hurting anyone. Before we start the pyre, let’s look at Morimoto’s reaction. When asked what he thought of the new stunt, he did say that it was still an insult, that a chef should not behave in that way. He also said, when asked what he thought of Flay personally, “Oh I like him a lot.”. Maybe he was just being polite, but I think this was probably true. That makes Morimoto a bigger man than these whiny turds on the Internet. Humility is all well and good, but there is an undeniable attraction to the American Asshole and Bobby Flay is a great example of that persona. If I had to pick a food network star to hang out with… it’d be Rachel Ray, but if it had to be a dude, it’d be Bobby Flay.

I remember from when I was in junior high a credit card commercial that had a young professional at his desk receiving his new cards. He immediately stuck the whole box under his nose and breathed in deeply. That commercial stuck with me. For years I dreamed of when I, too, would get that first box of business cards. That day was today. A whole box full of proof that I’m finally a real ‘Interactive Developer’. Let me tell you, they smell fucking awesome. I always thought the smelling part in the commercial was added for dramatic effect. That is a falsitude. The cards smell like paper, like elementary school, like that feeling of endless opportunity.I got some cards while I was at Blend a long time ago but that just wasn’t quite the same. Mostly because, at that early stage in the business, it took a lot more than business cards to make the place feel legit.

I was in a meeting when they got dropped off. I opened the box and caught a quick whiff. It was all I could do not to snuff the whole box like that commercial I’d seen way back when. I kept my shit together for the rest of the meeting then pulled out 85 or so and casually sniffed them. I don’t think anyone saw…

A conversation I had today with one Dan Nocket (via email)

Dan

“I forgot to mention the auditory travesty last Tuesday. So we’re sitting inside the bar listening to the Tuesday mix; think bad techno (Fridays, where there are $1 drinks, has an awesome rock mix). We’re enduring most of the stuff when the Pirates of the Caribbean theme dance mix comes on. I’ve never wanted to hurt a DJ so much.”

Me

“That’s pretty lame. In other news, I got shit-faced last night. Woo-hoo!”

Dan

“You had better not been alone.”

Is this really what my friends think of me? Dang yo…

My favorite English teacher always told me “There’s no such thing as spoken grammar mistakes. The rules only apply to the written word” but I can’t help it–I’m a grammar snob. I know it’s a super dick move to correct someone (and I normally don’t right in the moment) but there are certain mistakes that stand out like sore thumbs. Plus, the easiest way to make a good impression is to speak eloquently and properly right? We owe it to ourselves to get it right!

Today, I start an occasional series discussing the few errors that really get to me. Most of these grammatic hot buttons come from my mother. I have memories of her instilling certain grammatical tendencies in me at an early age and continually throughout my life. One of those lessons came up today, concerning the colloquialism ‘Whole Nother’. As usual, mom said it best: “‘Nother’ is not a word. ‘Another’ is a word and ‘A whole other’ is a sentence”

Today at work, I attended a pitch meeting from an NYC based stock photo company. The girl had my attention, and I was listening intently to her pitch. I asked if they supplied stock video clips like Veer and she said “Well, we thought about it, but that’s a whole nother thing” I’m not saying she lost my business, merely that I no longer consider her a highly intelligent professional (a quality I award all people upon first meeting that often corrodes away over time). I glazed over for the rest of her presentation. I’m sorry, these things just vex me.